Tempus Fugit

Time Flies…

   Nov 14

Will it ever end?

It’s been a week since I wrote.

Many reasons.

  • I didn’t have anything specific to write about
  • This is not specifically true – there are things I could have written about.

  • I was working on a new stylesheet for tempusfugit
  • This is partially true. I did spend a couple of days on this. I am currently stumped for certain layout ideas.

  • I was working on my novel
  • Hold the laughter please! I have done some. But it’s not going as fast as I would like. (ie it’s not going to be finished by the end of November)

  • I have been working on my rural rotation assignments.
  • PUHHHHLEASE! That idea is more preposterous than any other that I can think of!

  • I am incredibly absolutely and utterly without any reserve whatsoever unmotivated beyond belief and I want out of this place sooner than I know it’s going to happen.

Now that’s more like a reason to not be writing. Believe me it took an inordinate amount of energy for me to haul my frame of the bed it’s been moping on for a large part of the last few days to be able to actually sit in front of my laptop and think of the words that it takes to write such an entry as this.

Now I realise that it is not going to get me anywhere moping on my bed and lurking around my accomodation with the blinds pulled and nothing but my internet connection and the TV to keep me from going stark raving mad….but fuck it feels good to sleep and sleep and sleep and get up when I want to not when I have to.

Things all went pear-shaped about last Monday. I think it was about then, or may it was the Friday before that Monday when I realised that frankly, I didn’t give a damn any more about this island I am on and the clinic, and the lack of responsibility that some people take for their own health.

I am getting disastrously low on Merlo coffee. I have two weeks left on this gulag. How am I going to cope? I need my coffee. It’s my lifeline! It’s too late to order any over the internet… I might have to resort to tea. I sure as hell ain’t going to resort to International Dust or Nescafe Bland 43.

It still hasn’t rained in any great quantity. So it’s as humid as all buggery. Unpleasant. Horribubble. (Thank goodness for three airconditioners in my humble dwelling to keep me from dessicating).

So in 11 more days I will be back to civilisation. I can’t wait!!!!! I am longing to be able to pop down to a coffeeshop and sip on a hot mocha and chat to a friend or two. I can’t wait to go rollerblading along the river and suck in the smells of the Jacaranda flowers as they drop to the ground (making the bike-path slippery as anything and making for an interesting rollerblade, but pleasant none-the-less). It will be nice to know that I can go down to any choice of shops on any given day of the week and have, at my disposal, a whole gamut of fresh produce that isn’t going to cost me my first-born child to be able to have.

Actually while we’re on the cost of things…. a thought occurred to me the other day:

In spite of me living out here in the middle of nowhere for these six weeks that I am, and in spite of things costing an arm and a leg AND a torso…. I am actually spending less than I would be back home.

Thinking about this a bit more…. I realised…. out here there is no coffeeshops and VERY limited places to eat out (namedly the ARC and the Golf-Club). Consequently, I don’t go out twice a day for a mocha and some baklava (or insert favourite snack here). I don’t go out 3 or 4 times a week for dinner. I don’t have a hospital cafeteria to purchase lunch from. I DO have to make my breakfast, lunch and dinner at home. Consequently I think I have effectively halved my catering expenses even though I am buying groceries at a highly inflated price. It’s a sobering thought. I think as a result of this time out here, I have a new found appreciation for why I am perpetually short of cash.

Sure, in the back of my mind I think I was aware that eating out is more expensive than eating at home….but I don’t think it ever really struck home just how much I must spend.

So if there is one good thing to come from this time out here in the sticks, it’s that I can save a shiteload if only I am organised enough to cater for myself at home!!

So anyway…enough of that “positive spin on things” shite…..where was I? Oh yeah, being amotivational. Woe is me and all that jazz.

I didn’t even manage to make it to the clinic on two of the days last week. Which is a real shame… because I would have benefitted from such days – they happened to have a paediatrician on one and an opthalmologist on the other. And I am the first to admit I know very little about paediatrics and only marginally more about opthalmology.

True to my self-destructive nature I missed both these days.

But, I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

I can see now why they say one should be on the lookout for a sudden upwards change in mood in a clinically depressed person….it can often mean that they are suicidal – that they can see an end to their pain, and all of a sudden, things seem so much easier to cope with – because you know the end is near. (No, I am not suicidal in case anyone was planning on writing out an involuntary assessment order).

I just hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train!

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